What Are Healthy Boundaries?

Healthy relationship boundaries allow you to;

• Have self-esteem and self-respect.

• Make decisions that feel right for you.

• Protect yourself physically, mentally and emotionally.

• Have an equal partnership based on mutual respect and trust, where power and responsibility are shared.

• Confidently and truthfully say “yes” or “no” (and learn to be okay when others say “no” to you).

• Recognise that your wants, needs, thoughts, feelings and experiences are different from others.

• Make healthy choices and take responsibility for yourself.
  

Having clear boundaries is an important part of every healthy relationship, but setting and holding boundaries can feel uncomfortable.

Some people may try to test your boundaries, they may not understand why a boundary is important to you, or they may be used to you responding in a certain way (always saying yes, not enforcing your boundaries, not speaking your truth), and they may push back when you try to make changes or communicate your needs and expectations more clearly. That doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong, it may just mean that you need to be clear and consistent until people adjust to the boundaries you’re setting.

This might sound like;

• “I understand it is hard to adjust to change, but I care about this relationship and would like us to try. What are your feelings around this?”

• “I may have allowed that in the past, but my tolerance has changed and I am no longer okay with that.”

• “I have changed my mind and this is what I need right now.”

• “Please respect me by honoring this new boundary I am setting.”

• “My needs and feelings around this are different now.”

• “This is a new boundary of mine. It is important to me that we understand each other. Can we talk about this together?”

Holding and respecting boundaries is important for every healthy relationship. Remember, when someone sets a boundary with you, it is their attempt to maintain a relationship with you, not an attempt to hurt you.